i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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