ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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