I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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