i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
