I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think my moral compass just broke
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
