I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
