Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize