I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
