i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize