glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
