my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
