I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize