He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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