I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
