she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
