I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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