I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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