it wasn't lemon gatorade
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wear drunk well.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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