Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
