When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
