this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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