Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize