On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I faked an abortion last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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