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i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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