you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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