i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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