you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
