mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
