How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
