Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
