Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
