im about as happy as oj after his trial
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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