My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Who died my cat blue again?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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