why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
