Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize