i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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