my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
