What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
