Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
