omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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