you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
