A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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