the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize