Dude my mom stole all your condoms
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
