I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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