i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
