If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
