Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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