It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
