The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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