he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
