Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
