Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize