Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
