I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
