seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
