i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
