Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
