Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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