pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
