We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
