Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
