I'm eating all of the evidence.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize