Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Quick, to the slutcave!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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