I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
