this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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