I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
