Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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