i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
