in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
