fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
