I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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