that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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