I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
